Immediately after hearing a doctor say the word terminal, you brace yourself for the worst.
You knew your loved one was ill, but you never dreamed their condition was incurable.
Not only that, it’s also fatal.
But what does that mean?
The American Cancer Society defines terminal illness as a condition that limits a person’s life ultimately leading to death.
How is a family supposed to respond to information like that?
Emotions That Come with a Terminal Diagnosis
Terminal illness opens emotional floodgates for family members near and far.
It’s not uncommon for families and their loved ones with terminal conditions to go through the emotions associated with grief.
I was introduced to the five stages of death, also known as the five stages of grief, while watching a sitcom. It wasn’t until later that I learned the tv character was speaking about something very real.
As outlined by the National Library of Medicine, the Kubler-Ross 5 stages of death are as follows:
- Denial
- Anger
- Bargaining
- Depression
- Acceptance
However, family emotions are not limited to this group.
Dealing with impending death isn’t easy and can stir up even more complicated feelings and reactions.
Family Reactions to Terminal Condition
When a person receives a terminal diagnosis, families have different reactions. Family dynamics play a huge role in how the members respond to the information.
A close-knit family might come together and help each other cope while supporting their loved one.
A distant family may become even more distant or possibly begin arguing with one another. However, there are instances when a distant family becomes a close-knit family because of the terminal condition.
Sometimes the burden of caring for the loved one is left to a sole member of the family, which could lead to anger, guilt, stress, burnout, and other issues.
Family resources are also a factor in caring for a loved one with a terminal illness. Is there enough money to pay for needed medical expenses and services? Is life insurance or savings available for upcoming funeral costs?
Terminal Illness Shortens the Breath of Life
Recognizing end-of-life signs is crucial for families. This knowledge may help prevent panic when observed.
Verywell Health notes there are 12 signs that someone is near the end of their life:
- Pain
- Shortness of breath
- Anxiety
- Decreased appetite and thirst
- Nausea or vomiting
- Constipation
- Fatigue
- Drifting away from loved ones
- Delirium and restlessness
- Incontinence
- Cold hands and feet
- Rattling sound
A terminal diagnosis becomes even more complicated when the loved one is the parent of a young child. Children often have difficulty understanding what’s happening to a sick parent or why that parent can’t interact with them in the same manner as before. Truthfully, they need support during the process too.
Finding Help to Get Through the Process
Finding help when a loved one is diagnosed with a terminal illness is not always easy. The family is busy ensuring the loved one has proper care while trying to process the news of the condition at the same time.
One widely known resource is Hospice. People often think hospice care is only at a center outside the home. However, hospice services can be at home or in a facility. The preference belongs to the person with the terminal diagnosis and their family.
Hospice services not only include care at home, but they also provide adaptive equipment and medication. Hospice centers generally have a listing of other resources to help caregivers as well.
Other specialized organizations like the American Cancer Society and the Alzheimer’s Association also provide end-of-life services and family resources. Additionally, doctors and hospitals might have relationships with organizations where they can make referrals.
Near the End, She Gave Me Joy
Early in my healthcare career, I had the privilege of providing services to people who had terminal illnesses and chose to receive their end-of-life support services at home.
My first hospice patient was a sweet and soft-spoken woman in her 50s. I’ll call her “Joy” because she brought that to my life.
Joy’s story was one of horrible misdiagnosis resulting in a terminal condition with an outcome of only six months to live.
When I started working with Joy, she was walking around and enjoying life as best as possible. Joy gave me many words of wisdom as we talked over several months.
One day I arrived at Joy’s home, and she wouldn’t leave her bedroom. Joy asked me to bring her meals to the room. She would only get up to go to the bathroom located inside her bedroom.
After a couple of weeks, Joy stopped eating and getting out of bed. On her last day, Joy wasn’t responding.
As I stood staring at her seemingly lifeless body, Joy’s sister-in-law walked up behind me and asked if she was still breathing. I can only remember having a moment of extreme dizziness while checking for any chest movement before replying, “I don’t see anything.”
While waiting for the hospice nurse’s arrival to make the official pronouncement, I sat outside on the front steps feeling so sad. I remember Joy’s brother coming outside to thank me for supporting his sister.
As I recall the experience after so many years, tears still come to my eyes.
Are you caring for a loved one with a terminal illness? Do you need support but do not know where to turn? Please see the links provided in the article on how you can find help.
